He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
