I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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