Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
