Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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