did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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