When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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