I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
