I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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