I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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