Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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