well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
