If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
