The beer is more important than you right now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize