Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
