So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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