There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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