I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
