we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
