I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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