My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
