I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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