I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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