..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize