Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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