In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
