why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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