just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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