so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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