Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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