that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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