I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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