Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
