Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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