i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
