You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
