You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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