im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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