...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i've created a new STD.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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