I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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