MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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