Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
