do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize