You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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