and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
