dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
