Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize