Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
