Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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