After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
