Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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