u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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