I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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