I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
