I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
