remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
