i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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