I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
