so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
