I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
