Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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