Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
