She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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