I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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