it hurts more in the daytime
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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