btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
