she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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