I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
