I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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