Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
