I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
