direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
