I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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