Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Alive.
So much puke
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
