Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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