I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
