I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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