I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
