whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
