Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
