Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
