bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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