is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
