Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
