my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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