So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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