Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
