i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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