Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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