I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
