If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
