Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize