he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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