Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
