Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
