you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
