They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
