What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize