Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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