My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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