i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
