We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
