I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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