theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
