Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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